Journal Entry #1
For several weeks now I have been saying that I was going to share some of my journal entries with y’all!!
I don’t know how I feel about being so real here but I also know that we learn from talking to one another - so maybe this will spark a conversation somewhere, with someone who really needs to talk!
March 2nd, 2019
Stress. Everyone has it and mine is no worse or better than anyone else’s! We all have changes and obstacles and surprises in our daily life and how we handle them is what makes them stressful or exciting or daunting or any other adjective that I could say right now.
Part of me feels ashamed that in the midst of amazing blessings, I am handling our changes so poorly! The Lord has provided so many answers and almost audible guidance in the last few months - why am I allowing stress to steal the thankfulness that I should have?
Moving out of our home into a rental.
Tearing our home down.
Building a new house.
Leaving a job that I am comfortable in.
Starting a new job.
Building a business from the ground up.
Being a mom.
Being a wife.
Keeping myself grounded in the midst of change.
I have never been one to like change. Change is uncomfortable, which to me, has always meant scary and uncertain. There is a lot of change going on right now - all of it for the betterment of our lives!!
How do I know I am not handling the changes we are facing very well? I am making poor food choices, not drinking enough water, drinking too much coffee, not moving enough, sleeping poorly, hitting snooze too many times, not doing the things that I love to do like journaling in the morning, reading my Bible, stretching and doing a few minutes of yoga before everyone else has gotten up. Heck, I am not even taking the time to wash my hair and do my makeup like I should be! My pants are getting tight, my eyes have dark circles, and my chin is covered in pimples .
I know what I need to do, yet I am allowing this stress to make decisions for me! And that is not okay!
I see you stress. I see you anxiety. I see you frustration and lack of patience. I see you poor judgement and tired eyes. I see you super sensitive emotions. I see you poor self confidence. I see you doubtfulness. I see you!
But I also see blessings upon blessings that the Lord has handed down. I see the truth that God will not give what I can not handle. I see that I am surrounded by family and friends who love me!
I see that I have something to learn in the midst of these changes - and I say bring it on!
I am ready to stop wallowing in self pity and frustration and “blah ness” (is that a word). I am ready to learn my lesson and move through these changes with grace and thankfulness.
I am ready to change how I am handling all of this change!!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Philippians 4:13
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. - Joshua 1:9